Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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