Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
