Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
