guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
