He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He's on the porch naked. Help.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
