period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
