Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
