dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
