my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
