Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
