she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
