Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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