when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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