cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
