exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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