wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
