Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
