good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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