I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
