this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
