My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
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I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
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We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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