i would punch a child for taco bell
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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