Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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