He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
