so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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