Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
