On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
