The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
