did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
