how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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