got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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