420 ftw
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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