he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
