I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
