When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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