I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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