somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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