Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
