dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
