on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
