So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
