im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
