I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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