Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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