Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
