we're chasing vodka with high fives
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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