Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
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