i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
