At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
