Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
