i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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