so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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