Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
No stitches, just platelets and will power
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
