There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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