Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
