Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
