I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
