and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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