I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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