bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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