that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Watching her eat just hurts me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
