So drunk, too bad you don't want this
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
