yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
