i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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