How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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