she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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