And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
