It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
