im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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