wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just found puke in my bra..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
