my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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