Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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