you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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