oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
