cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
