I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
