whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
