I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
